sometimes, relating to your child in the best way for HIM is just common sense… sometimes it requires immense amounts of reflection.

  • I’ve noticed that he wakes up in a much better mood when he gets up on his own, rather than being woken up.  Understandable.  How could we get him to wake up on his own on mornings where he goes to Grant Street for the first part of the day, when we’re short on time?  Maybe I could open his door when I first get up at 7:15, but not go in & bug him.  He might wake up & come out on his own by the time I’m out of the shower and dressed (the time I normally go in & wake him up).
  • He has had major stress lately cleaning his room.  It’s a huge struggle most days.  The key to avoiding conflict on this is not to leave him alone.  I shouldn’t send him off to do it & then stay in a seperate part of the house.  He doesn’t necesarrily want help, he just wants company & encouragement, and I have no good reason to “put my foot down” and make him go without that.
  • Stop using threatening statements entirely!  If a sentence comes out of my mouth that starts with “If you don’t stop…” or “If you keep on doing…” then it is inevitably followed up with some kind of threat or consequence… these get us NOWHERE.  I need to find a new way of conveying what the expectations of him are, in a way that isn’t authoritarian.  This is gonna take some practice.
  • I have some regrets about taking a break from video games… But he has stress with them, especially games where he is by himself, building things, and can OCD out on the details.  He loves to create and he’s quite good at the technical aspect of it, but he gets VERY easily frustrated.  When that happens, it usually causes a fit, a meltdown, that leads to a downward spiral that is near impossible to climb out of.  We need to find him a different creative outlet that will encourage, rather than frustrate him.  Something he can do with his hands that will focus his energy and interest on the task. Or a way to regulate the games that all of us can live with.
  • There is no point trying to force structured school activities on him during the times of day when he has zero focus.  This only teaches him to see learning as a chore.  Doing school after lunch doesn’t work for him, we’ve tried… but what does work?  We could try doing school from 3 to 5, but that tends to be a time of day when I am lacking focus and motivation… It’s going to take awhile for us to find our groove.  I also need to remind myself that Seth is willing, able, and interest in being more involved.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with school in the evenings if we find it works for us.  We don’t have to fit into anyone’s idea of what’s normal.
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1 Comment

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One response to “sometimes, relating to your child in the best way for HIM is just common sense… sometimes it requires immense amounts of reflection.

  1. #1, #2, and #3 – good wisdom, Mama! Thanks for the update!

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