moving in directions I didn’t see coming… because I’m obsessive.

I never thought we’d naturally gravitate towards a more unschooled approach, but it’s happening… all the color coded binders and folders I bought, the weekly summary sheets I designed and printed about 2 dozen of, the wonderfully organized box of supplies, the worksheets… it’s all collecting dust, for the most part. Since we pinpointed the Bipolar diagnosis (with some characteristics of OCD and just general mood disorder) I have learned that on an unmedicated road, reducing conflict is really the best practice. We try to work around him and his wants/needs whenever possible.

But there are some things I won’t budge on;

• We’re still trying to figure out how we can fit video games into his life, since it’s one of his major passions… but in a way that’s healthy and constructive for him and us as a family.
• He’s going through one of those “I hate everything” phases and I just can’t deal.  If something is served to you at a meal, and I spent time, effort, and cold hard cash on making it as likable as possible, avoiding foods that I know you genuinely dislike, you’re damn well gonna eat it!  We’re done here, sir!
• The tv is not on in this house unless there is something specific we are planning to watch.  A movie, an episode of Top Gear or Jeopardy, etc… no channel flipping.  That goes for Seth & I, too.  I grew up in a household that almost always had more tvs than people living there.  Currently my parents and 16 yr old brother have 6 tvs in their possession.  We have one.  At times I wish we didn’t have any, but I’m just not THAT crunchy.  Silas likes watching Back To The Future and epsiodes of the Simpsons.  I really like No Reservations and Bizarre Foods.  We’re human.

We’re finding opportunities to learn in really odd places.  We’re rarely sitting down to do anything structured.  Worksheets are rarely done and are a major power struggle between us, causing stress and grumpiness… and it’s going really well.  I’m as shocked as anybody.

fun times.

sometimes, relating to your child in the best way for HIM is just common sense… sometimes it requires immense amounts of reflection.

• I’ve noticed that he wakes up in a much better mood when he gets up on his own, rather than being woken up.  Understandable.  How could we get him to wake up on his own on mornings where he goes to Grant Street for the first part of the day, when we’re short on time?  Maybe I could open his door when I first get up at 7:15, but not go in & bug him.  He might wake up & come out on his own by the time I’m out of the shower and dressed (the time I normally go in & wake him up).

• He has had major stress lately cleaning his room.  It’s a huge struggle most days.  The key to avoiding conflict on this is not to leave him alone.  I shouldn’t send him off to do it & then stay in a seperate part of the house.  He doesn’t necesarrily want help, he just wants company & encouragement, and I have no good reason to “put my foot down” and make him go without that.

• Stop using threatening statements entirely!  If a sentence comes out of my mouth that starts with “If you don’t stop…” or “If you keep on doing…” then it is inevitably followed up with some kind of threat or consequence… these get us NOWHERE.  I need to find a new way of conveying what the expectations of him are, in a way that isn’t authoritarian.  This is gonna take some practice.

• I have some regrets about taking a break from video games… But he has stress with them, especially games where he is by himself, building things, and can OCD out on the details.  He loves to create and he’s quite good at the technical aspect of it, but he gets VERY easily frustrated.  When that happens, it usually causes a fit, a meltdown, that leads to a downward spiral that is near impossible to climb out of.  We need to find him a different creative outlet that will encourage, rather than frustrate him.  Something he can do with his hands that will focus his energy and interest on the task. Or a way to regulate the games that all of us can live with.

• There is no point trying to force structured school activities on him during the times of day when he has zero focus.  This only teaches him to see learning as a chore.  Doing school after lunch doesn’t work for him, we’ve tried… but what does work?  We could try doing school from 3 to 5, but that tends to be a time of day when I am lacking focus and motivation… It’s going to take awhile for us to find our groove.  I also need to remind myself that Seth is willing, able, and interest in being more involved.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with school in the evenings if we find it works for us.  We don’t have to fit into anyone’s idea of what’s normal.

slow and steady wins the race.

We’re almost done with our 4th week of homeschooling… It’s been an interesting adventure so far.  Halfway through that first week I sat down with Silas’ teacher and principal and got some things taken care of.  I didn’t want him to go from full school days, 5 days a week, to never seeing any of the kids from his class, never seeing Peter, etc… so we worked out a plan.  He attends the first 3 hours of the day Mon, Tue, Thur, & Fri.  This is the class’ literacy block where they read to eachother, do writing projects, work on grammar, spelling, editing, share their stories…. Sometimes a tiny bit of Math or Science is thrown in during this block, but not usually.  No music, p.e., or art electives during this time frame (all that happens after lunch), so it’s worked beautifully for Silas.  He’s with Peter the whole time, not some other teacher who’s doing crowd control.  There is one recess during those 3 hours, but him & Peter have worked it out so that he stays inside and reads or draws and has a snack.  It’s gone really well so far.

Our afternoons are relaxed and slow.  We do a little bit of penmanship worksheets, history, and art appreciation.  We read a lot and do random projects… still holding off on Math.  I got all the books and I just need to figure out exactly where he is and what he already knows before we jump in.  I also plan to add in some hands-on science and spelling, but am waiting until I can order the materials.  Sometimes I worry that he isn’t focusing, some days we skip school all together and just exist… and I worry he’s not retaining anything we’re doing.  But then this morning he started rattling off stuff about the nomads during breakfast… and I just knew.  He gets it.  He’s absorbing.

more free books!

free stuff is always good.

It’s really quite helpful that not only do I have a little brother who has been homeschooled all the way through (he’s now 16), but that Silas’ stepdad is from a VERY similar situation.  His younger brother is the same age as mine, and has been home from the get-go.  His 12 year old sister is in her very first year of public school.  So Seth’s mom has amassed quite a collection of books, materials, and experience.  She ended up bringing us a big box of books last week, when Seth updated her on Silas already being out of school.  There were about twenty of these books in the mix!

I’m already figuring out ways I could use them along side these to further explore each era of history.  She also included a couple of art books, a book full of projects relating to Celtic culture, and some random atlases and reference books!  Today I plan to order the first volume of The Story Of The World and the math program I’ll be using, so we can get started on those first…

A day at the beach.

I decided that with the abrupt change to homeschooling instead of the fresh start I had originally envisioned, we needed a little time off before we dove into actual structured anything.  Today was one of those relaxed days where we just ran errands, ate deli food for lunch, and went to the beach.  I don’t understand how the weather can suddenly be SO nice, but I’ll take it.  I’m going to officially start ordering books and supplies next week, I think.  Until then, we’re just relaxing….

So, it’s looking like this may all happen sooner than we’d originally planned…

I picked him up from school this afternoon around 1pm… and went straight to the district office to full out a Declaration Of Intent form.  I don’t know if he’s going back tomorrow, or next week, or at all.  All I know is that I feel like the school system is consistently not there for him and his needs.  He was ganged up on by three boys in the lunch room today and teased.  When he went to an adult to try and get help (what he’s been told to do a million times) she told him to just ignore the boys and did NOTHING.  Did not ask them to stop, did not further investigate, didn’t even stop whatever she was doing.  We’re talking about a 7 year old here, and a bi-polar one at that!  He did exactly what he was supposed to do and no one helped… so he got upset.  The mere *physical act of being upset put him in the principal’s office, and I got called.  I’m tired of this happening day in and day out.  Yes, he is what some people would call difficult, but honestly… in every situation he’s been in where he was teased, picked on, bullied, glared at… I know how he feels and 90% of his reactions are fairly close to how I, a grown woman, would also react.  The only person at that school who seems to really truly want to work together on this is his teacher, Peter.  But he can’t be with Peter all day.  They go to recess, PE, music, lunch, and art seperate from him, out of their home class.  Silas already stays in during recess a lot.  Not as a punishment, but just because he doesn’t like the social politics of it all and Peter will let him stay in and draw or read.

So this may be the official beginning of our homeschooling journey.  I don’t know yet.  I’m taking the tried and true wait-and-see approach.

*He slammed a door and was crossing his arms and huffing a lot.  Not hurting anyone, not endangering anyone, just physically letting out what he felt.  I understand that the school can’t really let that happen on a regular basis, but the boy NEEDED to vent and literally NO ONE was listening to him.  I might have slammed a door or two, myself.

sometimes you read the right book at the right time and things just click in your brain…

I love our library in Port Townsend!

I didn’t first set foot in a public library until I was 8 or 9.  My babysitter, Beth took me.  I don’t know why, but my mother had never been much of a library person.  I wasn’t exposed the the magic of the library until fairly late.  I was hooked instantly.  The sheer amount of books and the Dewey decimal system make me anxious and panicky, but it’s the good kind of panic that if I power through the hot feeling in my cheeks and the shakiness in my hands, I can conquer it.  It occurred to me a few weeks ago that we have now lived here for 3 years and still hadn’t signed up for a local library card.  This will prove an invaluable resource for bringing Silas home next year, cutting costs significantly!  It’s already an integral part of this transition… last week I checked out a book I’d had marked on Amazon for awhile.  I knew I wanted to read it before we make this change, but didn’t realize just how important it would turn out to be.  I ended up finishing it in less than a week and filling up about 10 pages in paraphrased notes from it.

The book;  Unconditional Parenting

I’ve known people over the years who took this approach with their kids, either as a conscious decision or just born out of their natural temperment.  And I could always tell they had a tight, close, mutually respectful relationship with their kids.  I could never put my finger on exactly why… now I can.  Obviously what we’ve been doing with Silas has NOT been working… and I’m starting to reevaluate what we even mean by “working”.  What is my ultimate goal for him, in the long run, and what am I doing to work toward it?  What am I doing to hinder it?  I wholeheartedly recommend this book for any parent who has ever made a star chart to track their child’s progress with something.  For any parent who has sent their child to “time-out” only to make matters worse and cause harsh grudges… It was a BIG TIME eye opener.

legible would be good…

As far as Silas’ 2nd grade academic career goes, he’s right on track in all of the subjects except penmanship.  They haven’t started in on cursive yet, so I figure we’ll focus on printing over the summer and at the beginning of 3rd grade.  Then once he’s more disciplined in that, we’ll introduce cursive.

He’s had the same teacher for 1st and 2nd grade, and has had penmanship issues all the way through school.  For Xmas of 07 and his 7th birthday last July, I got him some Ed Emberley books.  Peter had recommended them to practice his fine motor skills, hoping that maybe it would improve his handwriting.  It has, to an extent… but moreso, Silas now LOVES drawing.  He sits down with these books on a daily basis.

What I’m planning to use for the next step is;  Handwriting Without Tears, Printing Power.  Then we’ll dive into HWT Cursive Handwriting.  I’m not sure where I’ll introduce this next program, but it looks like something he’d really enjoy, that’s similar in concept to the Ed Emberley stuff.  Draw Write Now.

This is one area where I definitely believe he’d benefit from slowing down, focusing, and having one on one teaching time.  He gets plenty of practice writing, and he enjoys writing.  He just needs to fine-tune his technique.